This list is inspired by a recent trip I took to my local Whole Foods, where I saw a lady wearing tie dye within mere seconds of entering the store (and I’m not knocking her—she looked fabulous).
Now, let the games begin! How many points will you get?
5 points for spotting each of the following:
- A person wearing tie dye
- A person with dreadlocks
- Birkenstock sandals (2.5 points awarded for spotting an off-brand knockoff)
- A person who proudly announces they’re vegan
- Somebody holding up an item and asking, “Is this vegan?”
- A hybrid and/or fully electric car in the parking lot (0 points for Tesla)
- A van in the parking lot that somebody’s clearly living in
- Somebody with a biologically impossible hair color (10 points if they’ve got more than 3 fashion hair colors going on at the same time)
- Somebody who smells like weed
- A Bernie Sanders bumper sticker in the parking lot
- A Subaru with a bike rack in the parking lot
- A person with a septum piercing or gauges in their ears
10 points for spotting each of the following:
- Somebody holding up an item and asking, “Is this organic?”
- Somebody using the Yuka app
- Somebody wearing a full face of makeup (they must be wearing more than just mascara and a lip product for points to be awarded)
- Somebody who didn’t bring any of their own grocery bags
25 points for spotting each of the following:
- A person/child with a super hippie-dippie name, such as Sunshower (50 points automatically if the name is, indeed, “Sunshower”)
- An emotional support animal that’s NOT a dog (chihuahuas don’t count)
- Somebody wearing an item YOU donated to a thrift store
- Somebody wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat
- Somebody rolling their own (tobacco) cigarettes outside
- Somebody who still doesn’t know Whole Foods is owned by Amazon
25 points for the following activities:
- Taking a photo with a celebrity (unless it’s Gwyneth Paltrow—then, only 5 points may be awarded).
- Convincing a vegan to knowingly try (buy) animal protein (no trickery or deceit allowed)
- Buying handmade jewelry from another customer while you’re still in the store
- Getting another customer to give you a business card for their Etsy shop
- Getting another shopper to *happily* follow you on Instagram before they leave the store (you cannot harass them so that they’ll pull out their phone just to make you go away)
- Buying something healthy/organic/overpriced and donating it
50 points for spotting any of the following:
- Getting a celebrity (who’s not Gwyneth Paltrow) to follow you on Instagram before they leave the store (same rules re: harassment apply as above)
100 points (and automatic win) for spotting Wrinkle the Duck.
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